redemption

I’ve been formulating this blog post for awhile now, but never seem to sit down and actually write. Since moving here to Bismarck from the mountains of Tennessee in July, I feel like I’ve been keeping mental notes on all of the things that stand out as different. I have never in my life even traveled so far north, and now I have made a home about as far north as you can get in the United States. Cross the border and you are in Canada!

I have always been an adventurer. I love doing new things and visiting different places. I have really, really loved coming to Bismarck and soaking it all in. So, here are the things I’ve noticed so far. I’m sure there will be more! Especially as winter sets in. Much later than it could have, by the way! It has been a mild winter so far.

1. Super tall spruce trees that have an almost blue tint to them. I don’t know the correct name for them. But, they are beautiful! Especially against a blue sky.

2. Wispy clouds like I have never seen.

3. Red squirrels, as opposed to the gray squirrels I am accustomed to. We have 2 that visit our yard regularly and they come up to the window sometimes looking for food! This picture was taken a couple of days after we moved in. He was busy checking us out.

4. HUGE dragonflies covered the sky during the summer. They hovered over our yard and neighborhood this summer and we have never seen so many dragonflies at one time.

5. Drivers are super patient with each other. I rarely hear a horn beep. In fact, there are times I see somebody doing something REALLY stupid, that I think warrants a honk of the horn and no one does it!

6. New phrases like, “Oh, for cute!”, “Oh, yeah.”, “Oh, for fun!”, “Wanna come with?”, “You betcha!”

7. There are no junky yards. In the south, especially the latest state we lived in, it is not uncommon to see a nice yard and house right beside a house with 10-15 junk cars in the yard. Not here. People take care of their stuff. Yards are kept manicured and clean. In fact, I think we stand out as the weirdos for not keeping our yard as nice.

8. There are poles sticking up from fire hydrants marking them for when the snow comes. We noticed this our first week here. And, we’re still waiting to see how badly they are needed, as the snow hasn’t really come yet.

9. New foods. Lots of German foods. Ever heard of Knoephla? Come here, and I guarantee you will within the first week.

10. Amazing work ethic. All of the businesses that I have had to deal with since moving here have been such good experiences. People do their best and really seem to care.

11. Strong family values. Though people work hard, they also recognize the importance of family time. Families take vacations and spend time together. And, we have felt so supported as a family here in ministry. People want us to have our time together. And, that means a lot.

12. Genuine people. People are just real. In the south we have this term called “sugar coating”. None of that here. You say what you mean. Love it!

13. Generosity, loyalty. These both are good descriptors of the amazing people we have met here. If someone has a need and you make it known, that need will be met. We have seen numerous families in need cared for by this community. In and outside of our church.

14. There are no lizards!

15. And, I am told there are really no roaches. I still can’t believe this one.

I could go on and on, I suppose. But, I’m sure there will be more for a later time. I am thrilled to call Bismarck my home and look forward to watching my kids grow up in a great place! 8 months ago, my husband told me that he was looking at a church in Bismarck and I said, “Isn’t that in North Dakota!!!???” Today, I call Bismarck my home, and I am so thankful, God led us here.

I know….. a strange blog title for my birthday……but, I’ll explain.

This  morning, I slept until 9 or so thanks to my super awesome husband, who took over my usual morning “duties”. Today is my birthday, and something in me just said, “Slow down. Enjoy your day.”

I came downstairs and drank coffee from my favorite new cup. After breakfast, I began sweeping up the floor and unloaded the dishwasher. It felt good to take my time and not worry about what I was “supposed” to be doing.  I went and sat in my favorite chair and decided to take the time to read in my bible while I drank my second cup of coffee. I’ve been following the “Shirkers and Slackers” bible reading program, and have slacked for quite a few days. I follow this plan for a reason. In part of the reading from Joshua, I read these words. “Not one word of all the good promises that the Lord had made to the house of Israel had failed; all came to pass.”

I moved on from my favorite chair and decided I wanted to clean the downstairs half bath. I know, clean toilets on my birthday? As I was cleaning the toilet, I began realizing that I normally feel guilty when I am taking the time to clean.  Cleaning means that I am not spending time with my kids. They are entertaining themselves, and for Bryn, that ALWAYS means getting into something.  But, when I don’t stay on top of cleaning and laundry (which is very often), I feel guilty that I’m not doing more. It’s one of those “damned if you do, damned if you don’t” deals.

After cleaning the bathroom, I moved up to the laundry room, and began folding the clothes that had been sitting for quite awhile. The kids played in Bryn’s room and were happy. As I folded the clothes, I continued to think about all of the things I regularly feel guilty about. It’s like light was being shed on a part of me that I had never seen before. After all, I am married to a man who’s motto is, “Don’t do anything out of guilt.” And, I too, hold to that motto. Or, at least I thought I did.

I began thinking about the couple of days before, when I had gone out by myself to shop for a dress to wear to a wedding. It was Jared’s day off and I was leaving him alone with the kids. I felt guilty.

In a few days, our church will be raising funds for those who are suffering from true hunger in the horn of Africa. As I folded laundry, thinking about this ridiculous amount of guilt I’ve been unknowingly carrying around, I began wondering what kind of unnecessary guilt Moms carry around in the starving nations of Africa. Do they feel guilt over the fact that their child is starving? Do they feel as if they should be doing more?

So, why do I write this? I write about this because I know that this guilt is a lie from the pit of hell. I am throwing it out into the light, thankful that Jesus shines light in the dark corners of my heart that I don’t even know exist. He is constantly weeding out that which is not true.

I stopped for a while today and did what I needed to do, guilt free. I even stopped and took a picture of my completely naked 2 year old “helping” Mommy unload the dishwasher. (Yes, it is hard to keep her clothed). And, I would post a picture, but I’d probably feel  a little guilty if I did.

This song came to mind as I pondered the whole “guilt” thing today.

No guilt in life.

No fear in death.

This is the power of Christ in me.

From life’s first cry to final breath,

Jesus commands my destiny.

No power of hell,

no scheme of man,

can ever pluck me from His hand.

‘Till He returns or calls me home,

here in the power of Christ I’ll stand.”

(“In Christ Alone”)

Hi, guys! It’s been so incredibly long since I blogged, but I really want to try my hand at this again. We may be changing the URL, but that’s up to Jared, because I know NOTHING about any of this. And, the blog needs a little refreshing because the pictures in the banner are very old. All I know is that I’ve been feeling a need to write and I’d like to share some of what goes on in my life and brain here.

A whole lot has happened since I last posted. We discovered Jared’s job in TN was coming to an end at the end of April, and it’s pretty much been a whirlwind since then. We are just now on the other side of that whirlwind and we have landed in Bismarck, ND! Yes, that is in North Dakota. When Jared first mentioned the possibility of Bismarck to me, my response was, “Isn’t than in North Dakota??!” And, pretty much everyone we told once we knew it was a possibility responded in the same way. North Dakota. When I look at the map and see where we live, I am still shocked that this really is our new home.

There is no way I can sufficiently describe what our experience here has been. But, I’d like to try, as time goes on, here on my blog. We are finding the people here to be so loyal and generous. We live in the downtown area and there are always people out walking, riding bikes, or running. The kids set up a lemonade stand the first week we were here and that gave me a good idea of what this community is like. It seems that people have time to talk. They are not running about so busy that they have forgotten the importance of other humans. I have had great conversations with a few of our neighbors, one of which lives a block over and walks her dog regularly.

The kids made friends very quickly. Their friends all live within shouting distance of our house and they come and go between houses, playing throughout the day. We’ve been enjoying bike rides around town, as the sidewalks cover ALL of the town and every intersection has a crosswalk. We are really enjoying that.

There are projects to be done in and outside the house, but we are trying to give it time and not rush things. However, the floral wallpaper and hunter green trim in our kitchen is going to be the first thing to go. I am super proud of myself for hanging on this long. I keep thinking I should wait until the winter, as I’ve heard plenty of people suggest I take on painting projects then, when it is brutally cold outside.

And, speaking of the cold…….we have had plenty of conversations about how we will survive the winter. It seems there are lots of game nights, wii playing, and gym memberships to get people through the winter. We will have to purchase a snow blower and plenty of cold weather gear. It’s an adventure, and we’re up for it!

We really do feel so honored to be called here to Bismarck by an extremely loving and generous congregation of people. And, as we get to know people, we are realizing that this care and generosity extends beyond us. Others in the congregation have been well loved and cared for as they have entered Bismarck Community Church. This is so heartwarming and it makes me very excited to see how God will continue to use this church body for His Kingdom.

The kids and I just returned from a walk over to the park. While we were out, Shea and I started talking about spring and how all of these trees we see that look dead will begin to grow new, green leaves. Shea noticed some flowers growing on the ground (and, of course he picked some for me) and we started looking for other signs of spring. I started thinking all sorts of deep thoughts and tried sharing them with my sweet little son, but I knew  I had lost him when he interrupted me and said, “Mom, Gage has a machete at Granny and Papa’s!”.

So, I’ll try putting those deep thoughts here and see where my fingers take me.

I find it pretty amazing that God places spring right after a season of death. We begin longing for green, long before we see it, and when we see just a glimpse, as Shea and I did today, we are reminded that, YES, life is coming. It’s going to be pretty again! The flowers will bloom and the trees will turn green. And, once we catch that glimpse, we long even more for what will soon come.

I think about all of the pain I see around me and experience myself. Tears well up. I know it will be different. I long for it to one day be different. I wonder when I will catch a glimpse of what is to come. And, then He shows me. I see someone who has been shunned by the church, loved for the first time, with no strings attached, by Christians who care. I hear a woman, who has been all alone with a wheelchair bound son share her story. A painful story. A story I fear has been heard by no one. She shares it enthusiastically. She is thankful to have a person sitting and listening. She tells me the church has hurt her. I tell her that my prayer is that God will use my family to fix some of the hurt the church has caused so many. She tells me she never would have made it without her faith in God. She tells me she doesn’t need a building to know God. I point to my heart and say, “That’s because it’s in here.”

These glimpses make me long even more for a day when we won’t hurt each other. A day when there are no sons in wheelchairs unexpectedly. A day when men do not leave their families. A day when there are no strings attached to love.

The thing about seasons is that they don’t last forever. Just as we see winter change to spring change to summer and then to fall, we know that our pain will come to an end. The hard times come in waves and we long for the easier times. But, then, the easy times come, and we forget how cold it was back there. How much we depended on Him to push us through.

I’m thankful for the longing that is placed in all of us as we go through the physical season of winter on this earth. I have no doubt that it is God whispering in our ears that change is coming. There is more. And, it will be beautiful.

“For his invisible attributes, namely, his eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly perceived, ever since the creation of the world, in the things that have been made. So they are without excuse.” ~Romans 1:20

PS: this post was written with only one mishap. A plate pushed off of the table and broken, by the one and only, Bryn.

It has been way too long since I posted here. I have spent a little while looking over old posts, and feel inspired to get it going again.

I came across a picture of Bryn and Shea from our year of 2009 in Wilmington, NC and began thinking through just how much has changed since then. And, what a year 2009 was for us!

If you’re reading this, let me know! I need all of the encouragement I can get to start this up again. Life is full! And, I’d like to share it here from time to time.

“See” you soon!

Eleven years ago, I traveled to Pakistan and met some believers who made a lasting impact on my life.  I experienced hospitality like never before and was so impressed with the way these people opened their homes to us and shared all that they had with no hesitation.  They showed me what it means to love wholeheartedly.  And, I love them dearly for that.
I recently reconnected with our hosts, who now live in the UK.  Faisalabad, our host’s  hometown (I spent 3 nights with our group in his parent’s home there), has been brutally attacked by a militant muslim group.  Two pastors were murdered and businesses owned by Christians were burned and vandalized.  My friend is working to raise money for his family and friends to rebuild their businesses.  Here is an excerpt out of the email he sent:

“Later after murdering two brothers who were much involved in community development and Sunday school ministry locally, Muslims from three different sides surrounded the area and started shouting, screaming and making calls to shoot all Christians who live in Pakistan.”

Pastors Rashid and Sajid Emmanuel

“They burnt shops, local businesses and kept throwing stones, fireballs and attacking anyone coming in their way. Police were present there but doing nothing. I was on the phone with one of my cousins who was on the roof top hiding himself while other family fled from the area earlier. I could hear their shouts and shooting. This the area where I spent 20 years of my life, built our family house and started my ministry life. Many of the families I know have lost their income resources.”

“We’ve indentified five local people (who I know from childhood) to help
raise funds for them so that they can re-open their only income sources.
We need to help raise funds for two grocery stores, a salon, tailors shop
and for a widow who owned a local small eating corner.”

Total amount needed: $8500.00

And, get this……they are halfway there!  The dollar goes much further in Pakistan.  So, a small amount goes a long  way.

I know that it can be so incredibly easy to feel disconnected from things like this.  It’s across the world from us in a land we do not understand.  Let me just tell you all that I have been to this land, and these Christians in Pakistan love like no other people I have ever met. Let’s show them our support by pooling our resources.  If you hesitate because you can’t give more than $5, just give $5!  Every amount counts and, remember, the dollar goes much further in Pakistan!

I just spent a great weekend hanging out with a dear friend.  As often happens after spending time with her, I am reflecting on our friendship and all that has transpired over these past 12 years.  I can’t spend time with her without finding myself in a deep place of praise and thankfulness.  God uses her in mighty ways for me.  I often want to write after catching up with her because there is just so much for me to process.  But, life gets busy and after a week or so, I’ve entered back into reality and the words to express how profoundly she impacts my life are lost.  Today, something is keeping me from moving on.  I have to write about it.  It’s so moving and stirs my soul so deeply that I have to tell it.

You see, my friend has had tragedy hit her life in numerous ways.  I won’t get into all of it, but the latest tragedy hit 2.5 years ago.  Her husband left her with 4 boys to raise alone.  The twins were 6 weeks old.  She was devastated and dumbfounded.  She had no job and no church body to support her.  It just so happened that I was traveling through NC at the time, and had already planned a visit to see them and their new babies.  Instead of rejoicing with them over their newest additions, I found myself comforting a friend who was in deep despair.  There are no words to describe the suffering I witnessed.  I didn’t want to leave her when it was time to go.  I called someone from a local church she had just so happened to make a connection with a few months prior and pleaded with her to find people who could help.  What transpired after that, and what has continued to transpire has impacted many lives in profound ways.  This church rallied around her and sent people into her home daily to help her with cleaning, childcare, cooking, etc.  God answered my prayers for her in bigger ways than I could have ever expected.  I had to relinquish her to Him, and He cared for her well through His people.

Time has passed since this crucial point.  Now, when we get together, we remember all that God has pulled her through.  We reflect on how much God has cared for her.  We are both encouraged and leave each other in awe of what God has done.  And, I always leave her amazed that God continues to use her for me.  How can a single mom of 4 boys still have time to love me and encourage me?  How can she have time or energy to pray for me?  How can she have time to even think about me?  To have a get-away from her own kids and come love on mine?  It is truly amazing.

As we spend time together our Rescuer, Jesus is glorified.  It sounds absurd to say that God is glorified in the midst of such suffering, doesn’t it? Through this friend, I am reminded that God is in the business of redeeming all things.  What Satan intended for evil, God is using for good. He is caring for her in tangible ways and causing others to see His hand in her life.  Not only in His provision for her, but in the joy she is able to possess as she walks through this tough life, and in the way in which He continues to shape her and heal her heart.

On Sunday, we worshiped together side by side for the first time in many years.  She swayed back and forth to the music with joy radiating off of her face as she sang “our struggles here cannot compare to what we have to gain.”  What an amazing gift I have been given in this friend!  And, what hope we have in knowing that this life is a speck on the line of eternity.  Our suffering here is so small in comparison to what we will gain.  What grace He shows us in giving us glimpses of His hand at work now, in the midst of a broken world!

I cannot believe our little Brynda is 9 months old!  She has grown up so quickly.  It’s so weird to have moved away from so many close friends so soon after she was born.  She was 5 weeks old when we moved, so I have really missed having our friends around to watch her grow with us.  I’ve also missed seeing my friends’ babies grow.  So, these pictures I’m posting are to fill all of you girls in on how big my baby girl is getting.  She’s actually really tiny, but she is keeping up with her big brothers like you wouldn’t believe.  Those of you who know Gage, know how much energy he has.  It seems that she may have just as much energy.  The girl is in constant motion.  Even when she eats!  I have to give her something to hold to distract her while I feed her solids, and I sneak bites in when she opens her mouth to “eat” the toy.

I took Bryn to the doctor today for her first well child check-up since she was 3 months old.  I rebelled against the system and decided to not take my well child to the doctor during flu season this year.  She weighed 14.5 lbs!  That puts her off the chart.  The nurse told me she is in the 0%.  However, they weren’t worried about it, which I was relieved to hear.  I’ve known that she is tiny and I was afraid of what the doctor would say.  He was satisfied with her proportions and agreed that she just has small genes.  He did, however, hear a heart murmur today.  I was really surprised to hear him say this, because this has not been detected in the past.  He said that the fact that she has not had a murmur in the past is a good thing.  He feels sure that it is no big deal, but we will have an EKG done soon to make sure everything is okay.

She would rather play with the laundry (which, by the way is permanently attached to this chair) than any toy.

I love the way she hold hers foot so daintily!

When I take Bryn outside to watch her brothers skateboard, she wants nothing to do with being held or being put into the exersaucer.  In fact, the exersaucer has turned out to be a waste of our money.  She wants to be free.  Problem is, if you put her on the grass, she eats it.  The only other option is to put her on the concrete driveway, which I know is really dirty.  I solved the problem by putting this winter pram on her.  She can crawl all over the place and avoid scraping up her knees and getting her clothes filthy. I’m not sure what I’ll do when the weather warms up!  She’s so tiny that she doesn’t look like she should be so mobile.  The landlord (who lives next door) came over the other day and acted concerned that I would let her crawl on the driveway.  She was worried about her hitting her head on the concrete.

My sister bought her this baby for Christmas and she loves it.  We can tell her to go get her baby and she will find it.  If we say, “Give the baby kisses”, she’ll open her mouth and give it a big slobbery kiss on the face.  I love this picture because she’s looking at me like she’s saying, “Come on, Mom, this picture thing is getting a little old.”

You really should read this memoir by Mary DeMuth.  I’m reading it now, thanks to receiving a review copy from Zondervan, and God is using her words to minister to me in powerful ways.  Her honesty is refreshing and to see the ways in which God has healed and continues to heal her is such an encouragement.  Click on the book cover above to order from Amazon, and be sure to watch the trailer below.

I never cease to be amazed at how listening to music can completely change my mood.  The kids were up waaaaay later than I wanted them to be tonight and I was in a pretty foul mood up until about 10 minutes ago.  That’s when I decided to put some Pandora on and created a station for Joshua Radin.  Not only was I graced with his smooth voice, but Pandora chose similar artists for me to listen to like Ben Harper, Pete Murray, and Damien Rice.

Now, I feel happy and mellow as I nestle down on the couch with my laptop, smelling the granola baking in the oven.

Anyone want the recipe?  Here it is.  I got this recipe from my sister-in-law, Robin.  The whole family loves it and it’s really easy.

Homemade Granola:

10 cups rolled oats

1 cup plain corn meal

1 cup shredded coconut

1 cup wheat germ

1 cup chopped nuts

Mix in a large bowl.

Heat over stove until smooth, the following ingredients:

1/2 cup water

2/3 cup oil

1 cup honey

1 cup peanut butter

1 Tablespoon salt

1 Tablespoon cinnamon

Pour into dry mixture and spread out onto cookie sheets.

Bake at 325 degrees for 15 minutes.  Stir, and bake for another 15 minutes.

And, you’re done!  Enjoy!