Posts from — June 2007

Gage has a really bad habit of leaving his washcloth on the floor of the shower.  He never squeezes it out and hangs it up.  Well, a few weeks ago, I realized that it smelled like urine, and I asked him if he’s been peeing on it when he’s in the shower.  He denied it, but the smell was just horrendous and it made me so mad.  Just as he has refuses to lift the lid when he pees, he has also refuses to pick up his washcloth.  So, tonight, when I discovered the washcloth again and realized that it once again smells like pee, I started wracking my brain to think of a punishment that would make him stop doing this.  I mean, it is just flat out disgusting!  So, I said, “Gage, the next time I find your washcloth on the bottom of the tub like this, I’m going to make you pick it up and suck on it.”  I’m hoping that I’ve found the solution.  Hmmmm….now I’ve just got to think of something that will make him lift the lid so that I don’t have to sit on a urine splattered toilet seat.

Well, I have to admit that my brain has just not been in blog mode lately.  I think of things to write about and then just don’t have the motivation to do it.  I will say that most of the reason for today’s lack of motivation is a result of little sleep over the past couple of nights.  Two days ago, as I was throwing our trash into the neighborhood dumpster, a sign posted there informed me that a house around here had been broken into at 4 am while the people were home.  No one was hurt and the guy didn’t take anything.  However, he got away, and had not been found when the sign was posted.  So, now I’m freaked out and have woken up for the past 2 mornings at 3:00, thinking I hear something and then not being able to go back to sleep for 2 hours or so.  Ughhh!  I actually have something good in my mind to write about all of this.  Fears, God, prayer, etc……………But, I’m just too tired right now to do it.  Maybe later!  I think I’ll take a clonazepam tonight!

Well, I figured I better write something on here before you all just gave up on my blog.  I promise I haven’t dropped off the face of the earth.  We just haven’t had internet for the past week because we have moved for the summer and have had some kinks in getting internet set up.  I’m actually sitting in the parking lot of Panera as I write this.
Yes, we are living off campus for the summer!  We are in a wooded area with a huge yard and I’m loving it!  So, here’s what we’ve been up to for the past week…….

Gage-  within an hour of being at our “summer home” (we’re house/dog sitting!) had found a bird in the garage and set it free, caught 2 frogs, heard an owl and then spotted it flying through the woods, and found some really cool rocks in the creek bed.  What I just love is that as he was walking around in the creek bed looking for rocks, he started singing “Our God is an Awesome God”.  So precious.

Shea- has been running around in the yard naked (trying to potty-train) and jumping in and out of the little pool.  He has also loved going for walks in the stroller and “petting” Gage’s pet frog.  He’s also loving the dogs!

Jared and I:  Well, all I have to say is that our friends who we are house- sitting for have the first season of “24″.  Oh my gosh!  That show is like drugs!  I am so hooked and I’ve found myself thinking about it throughout the day and just anticipating what’s going to happen next.  We have watched all but 4 episodes of Season 1 since last Thursday night!

So, with that said, I’ve got to hurry up and get some groceries so I can run home and watch the last 4 episodes tonight!  Love you all!  Hopefully I’ll be back soon!

I can’t believe a whole year has passed already since arriving here at seminary. Time really does fly! So, I figured I’d take a few minutes to reflect on this past year. I’ve actually been reflecting on it for a few weeks now, but I’m going to try to sum up my thoughts in a few paragraphs.

Or, maybe I’ll try to do it by listing the things I’ve learned over this year here. Here goes…..

1. Even seminary students are broken. Sorry to anyone out there who thinks otherwise! Living in such close proximity to other families here on campus has been a good way for me to learn that we are ALL pretty messed up. We all are in desperate need of a Saviour. It’s really a freeing experience to be angered by another’s sin, and then realize that you are just as sinful, so how can you really be mad at the other guy in the first place. Good, but hard stuff to learn!

2. God is faithful in His provision for us. He really does give you all that you need to pursue what He has called you to do. I have so many amazing stories to tell. Here’s a couple of the most recent. From the time that we arrived here last May until February, our rent was never able to be paid before the 10th of the month. Every month, we would get an e-mail notifying us that it was due and that we would incur a late fee if not paid by the 10th. Well, I started getting frustrated by the reminders, because our rent was like a thorn in our side and we NEVER forgot. It was just a matter of whether or not we had it. So, I notified the school that we just never have the full amount until the 10th and I assured them that it wasn’t a matter of forgetting for us. I told them that they would probably be sending us a notice every month because that’s just the way it was working out for us. Well, that was in February, and every month since then, we have had the full amount by the 1st! It’s as if the Lord said, “Oh really, Lyra. Well, I’ll show you what I can do.” AMAZING!

Back in March, I told Jared that I really felt like we needed to make it a priority to take a family trip every year, even though it seemed pretty impossible financially. I became determined to find something cheap and discovered what became our “yurt” adventure. The week before we were to leave for our trip, I was starting to get nervous about finances because we really didn’t have much in the bank. At that point, someone told Jared for us to go and enjoy ourselves without skimping, and that they would reimburse us for all of it! So, instead of buying food at the grocery store and cooking all week, we were able to go out to eat and just relax about the money issues. And, rather than reimbursing us just for the cost of the trip, they doubled the amount, so, guess what, we had our rent on time once again!

3. I am really insecure, despite what I used to believe. I always considered myself to be pretty secure. Then we came to seminary and it seems that every insecurity has been uncovered. But, what has been really neat for me to learn is that we are all pretty insecure. At first, I thought that it was only me who had awkward moments on the playground (where all the Moms gather with their kids) and left sometimes feeling like I just didn’t quite belong. Usually it stemmed from other women being in conversations, and then me just feeling really stupid because I didn’t know who to talk to, and I certainly wasn’t going to go and interrupt an intense conversation(I’m an introvert). It was amazing for me to realize that other women felt the same way. All it took was me admitting to it, and then they also admitted their insecurities. And, I began to realize that we all cling to the people we know because it makes us feel better. And, then I began realizing that this is what causes women to be “clicky”. And, then, oh no, I realized that I do the same thing that I hate seeing other women do! Oh, crap! Now I have to try to fix it. But, ughhh, I try and I can’t. And, then, duh, I realize that I can’t do it without the Holy Spirit. So, that’s where I am. I am realizing that most of us leave seminary as insecure women and we carry this “clickiness” over to the church because it is more comfortable to live that way. It is my mission while we are here to ask the Lord to help me figure out how to put a stop to this. I don’t want to carry this into our future. And, I’ve met some women who are great at not doing this, so I know it is possible. Can you tell I’m on my soapbox? Perhaps I need to carry this on in a later post! I told Jared that I wish someone had told me that the insecurities I felt in Jr. High would follow me throughout my life.

4. Counseling is a great thing! I was able to take advantage of the free counseling they offer here at Covenant for students/spouses and it was so worth it. I started out going on my own from August until January. Then, Jared and I began going together from January until the end of the semester and we feel like it has helped us focus on our marriage and pinpoint specific areas we need to work on. One of those areas is our spiritual relationship. It is very lacking in that we rarely pray together and we don’t get into the Word together, either. We realize that this is NOT a good thing, so please pray that we will be diligent in pursuing this together.

5. Community among believers has become tainted by our individualistic society. We are all so busy with our own lives that we are not really getting into the lives of our neighbors. Before coming to Covenant, I had all kinds of expectations about the “community” here. But, what I found once we arrived took me by surprise. I soon realized that everyone is so busy that they don’t have time to invite someone for dinner or just drop by to say “hi”. I’m not saying this never happens around here, because it does. I guess it just doesn’t happen as often as I expected. For the first 3 months, I was angry and then I realized that we were doing the same thing. It’s just easier to be an individual family rather than take part in a covenant community. I did, however, have a friend here point out to me that there are “pockets” of community among the larger community, and I do find that to be true. It’s been interesting getting used to this little community and seeing areas that I believe need to change, and then seeing my own contribution to the things I don’t like. Wow, this is some learning experience!

I think there’s a theme here. I see something I don’t like, get angry about it, and then realize that I’m guilty, also. Hmmmm…looks like the Lord is using all of this to humble me. And, boy do I need it!!!!!

I’ve been tagged by Nikki to do this. Thanks, Nikki! I am really not a chain-letter type person, but I’m doing it. You should be really proud, Nikki!

So, first, here are the rules:

1. I have to post these rules before I give you the facts.

2. Each player starts with eight random facts/habits about themselves.

3. People who are tagged need to write their own blog about their eight things and post these rules.

4. At the end of your blog, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names.

5. Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged, and to read your blog.

And, now here are those 8 random facts I know you’re all dying to hear:

1. I CANNOT go through my day without a Coke with my lunch. It’s really an obsession. If I know that I’m going to be going somewhere for lunch, I have to make sure they will have Coke (or Pepsi will do) and if I’m not sure, I’ll bring a back-up can. I get jittery and everything if it appears I will not get my Coke.

2. I went on a mission trip for 2 months to Pakistan when I was pregnant with Gage. While I was there, I had my nose pierced at the “bazaar” (outdoor shopping place). The guy pulled out a set of metal rings and picked the one that was the right gauge. He then cut a piece off and proceeded to sharpen it. After sharpening the metal, he was ready to pierce my nose, and I requested that he clean it with alcohol first. I was REALLY stupid! I thought I was being smart, though, because I waited until the end of the trip to have it done, in case it got infected.

3. I am a typical “middle child” peacemaker. I can’t stand to feel like there is any conflict and if there is, I want to fix it.

4. When I am angry, my mouth can be pretty foul. I mean, you know, I don’t cuss in public or anything, or in front of my kids. I think maybe I should be a little more convicted of this, though.

5. My husband teaches our son some really stupid things. The latest……he taught him how to burn things with a magnifying glass. We’re probably going to end up being kicked out of on-campus living here at seminary now that I confessed that!

6. When I was in the 1st grade, my Mom gave me a really BAD home perm. I was really ugly. So, as soon as “Napolean Dynamite” came out, my sister and friend, Mandy began calling me Napolean.

7. Speaking of Mandy, I have 3 best friends who have followed me through childhood into adulthood and parenthood. One of them, Mandy, dates back to pre-school, Carla, first grade, and Abbey, 4th grade. I was maid/matron of honor in 2 of the 3 weddings, and one of them didn’t have a wedding, but I would have been if she had. What’s crazy about it is that I have always been friends with them separately. They all 3 know each other, but have never been close friends.

8. I LOVE to snow ski and even though I grew up at the beach I like the mountains much more. I think the most care-free I have ever felt is when I am snow skiing. I haven’t been in a long time and I would love to live where I could go on a regular basis. Oh, yeah, I have kids! Maybe one day…….

Now I’m supposed to tag 8, but I’ve got a little problem because I can’t think of 8 people who haven’t already been tagged by Nikki.  So, here’s what I’ve got:

Megan

Emily (my sis)

Sorry, that’s all I’ve got!

I have to share with you all the new development in Shea.  For the past few days, he has informed me that he has a poopy diaper by walking up to me and holding out a finger.  A finger which he has stuck into his diaper and smeared with poop.  LOVELY!  It’s a great way to start the day.  Now, I do believe that this warrants a good pop on the leg.  Maybe even an exposed butt.  However, it’s a little tricky because he’s definitely not ready for a delayed “spanking”, which would occur after cleaning the poop off of his finger, and when all you can think about is “what have your fingers touched before showing me this”, it’s just not the time to give him a good pop.  So, all you veteran moms out there…………any suggestions?

Well, I kind of knew this day would come. I haven’t really felt that raw pain of healing since starting this blog, but, today I am. When Jared and I moved here a year ago, I started feeling the Lord stir my insides and I knew there was a lot of pain there that He intended to heal. It’s amazing how we can stuff it down and not even be aware of such hurt living right under the surface. So, the tears began flowing and I began to know that my Redeemer was going to heal me in a BIG way. It really is a painful process. But, what has amazed me is that He cares for me in such a tender way. He gives me just what I can handle. Last fall (our first semester here), I was walking through an intense time in counseling and felt very overwhelmed. Just when I needed a break, He gave it to me. During that time, I was able to begin processing all that He had already shown me in the short time I had been in counseling here at Covenant. (a great, free service to students!) He also began blessing us in a big way this past semester with close friends that I know will follow us past our time here. It’s been a nice break.

Now, He’s stirring me up again, and I feel the pain once more. The realization that I have put walls up in a big way with my husband is overwhelming. It hurts me to know that at some point something snapped in me and I withdrew from him. Jared and I ended up talking, crying, and praying through this a couple of nights ago and I think what causes me the most pain is knowing that there are men in my past who I have given more of myself to than him. That’s just not the way it is supposed to be, and yet it is. Jared deserves so much better than that. All of this is not new to me. It came up throughout counseling and I’ve known it is there. I just have a huge sense of God moving in our midst and redeeming something that is so broken. This is all part of His plan for us. And, I am so thankful for his tender care and mercy.

During a very hard time in my life, preceding my divorce in 2001 (yes, there’s quite a past there), I was so desperately crying out to the Lord. He very clearly told me that He was going to fill my book with new pages. It’s turning out to be quite a book!

I realize that this is the most vulnerable I have made myself since joining this little “blog world”. I guess I feel inspired to share with the world the work of redemption that is transpiring right before my eyes. God has taken someone broken and shattered to pieces and is slowly piecing her back together again. Mine is just one story out of a zillion.

I’m sure most of you have heard me say that Gage is a challenging kid. He really is, whether you believe me or not! I can’t tell you how good it feels when someone who has been around us for a while says, “you’re right, he really does drain your energy. I’m tired just from hanging out with you!” As a result of him draining much of my energy, I have formed some pretty common phrases that I feel like I repeat throughout the day. I’ve also found coping mechanisms to get me through. So, I thought I’d share some of these with you. Then, I’ll fill you in on why I chose to title this post as I did.

“Please stop whistling”, “I can’t answer any questions right now”, “Gage, you’re gonna have to settle down, I just can’t take it”, “that is really annoying, Gage”, “honey, that’s really not funny”, hmmmm what else….. “stop entertaining your brother”, “do not run in here, Gage”, “I am not going to tolerate how you’re acting right now”, “go and find something quiet to do”, and when it really gets bad….”you are really getting on my nerves right now”.  I know, that’s really not a good thing to say to your kid, is it?

Okay, now I’ll move on to some of my coping mechanisms.

We used to have unlimited minutes on our cell phone, and my number one coping mechanism while in the car was to immediately grab my cell phone and call someone. I just can’t even describe how much he talks. And, since Gage understood he was to be quiet while I was on the phone, it was a quick way to get him to be quiet. Now, since we no longer have those wonderful unlimited minutes, I use the radio. It works for Shea, too. Well, sort of. If they are driving me crazy, I just turn the radio up really loud so that I can barely hear them.  Oh, and another thing that has been a life-saver is “Adventures in Odyssey”. Yes, I have to sacrifice listening to what I’d prefer, but it’s worth it.

I know I probably sound like a horrible mom, but when you spend 24 hours a day with a 7 year old boy who will sap every bit of energy out of you, you HAVE to find ways to get past those tough times that make you feel like you’re gonna snap!  By the way, the “Y” has helped me tremendously, too.  But, that’s for another post.

So, what does the title have to do with anything. Well, as frustrated as I tend to get with Gage, he is a pretty funny kid. Yesterday, we were leaving campus (where we live) and he realized his bike was still laying on the playground. If we don’t put it away, they’ll take it and fine us, so I told him to get out and put it away. When he got back in the car he was limping a little and said, “Man, this old leg of mine is killin’ me!” I laughed and said, “Old leg?” And he said, “yeah, it’s old, I mean 7 and a half years, that’s old, Mom!”

Gotta love him. Even if I can barely think by the end of the day!