It’s been a year!

I can’t believe a whole year has passed already since arriving here at seminary. Time really does fly! So, I figured I’d take a few minutes to reflect on this past year. I’ve actually been reflecting on it for a few weeks now, but I’m going to try to sum up my thoughts in a few paragraphs.

Or, maybe I’ll try to do it by listing the things I’ve learned over this year here. Here goes…..

1. Even seminary students are broken. Sorry to anyone out there who thinks otherwise! Living in such close proximity to other families here on campus has been a good way for me to learn that we are ALL pretty messed up. We all are in desperate need of a Saviour. It’s really a freeing experience to be angered by another’s sin, and then realize that you are just as sinful, so how can you really be mad at the other guy in the first place. Good, but hard stuff to learn!

2. God is faithful in His provision for us. He really does give you all that you need to pursue what He has called you to do. I have so many amazing stories to tell. Here’s a couple of the most recent. From the time that we arrived here last May until February, our rent was never able to be paid before the 10th of the month. Every month, we would get an e-mail notifying us that it was due and that we would incur a late fee if not paid by the 10th. Well, I started getting frustrated by the reminders, because our rent was like a thorn in our side and we NEVER forgot. It was just a matter of whether or not we had it. So, I notified the school that we just never have the full amount until the 10th and I assured them that it wasn’t a matter of forgetting for us. I told them that they would probably be sending us a notice every month because that’s just the way it was working out for us. Well, that was in February, and every month since then, we have had the full amount by the 1st! It’s as if the Lord said, “Oh really, Lyra. Well, I’ll show you what I can do.” AMAZING!

Back in March, I told Jared that I really felt like we needed to make it a priority to take a family trip every year, even though it seemed pretty impossible financially. I became determined to find something cheap and discovered what became our “yurt” adventure. The week before we were to leave for our trip, I was starting to get nervous about finances because we really didn’t have much in the bank. At that point, someone told Jared for us to go and enjoy ourselves without skimping, and that they would reimburse us for all of it! So, instead of buying food at the grocery store and cooking all week, we were able to go out to eat and just relax about the money issues. And, rather than reimbursing us just for the cost of the trip, they doubled the amount, so, guess what, we had our rent on time once again!

3. I am really insecure, despite what I used to believe. I always considered myself to be pretty secure. Then we came to seminary and it seems that every insecurity has been uncovered. But, what has been really neat for me to learn is that we are all pretty insecure. At first, I thought that it was only me who had awkward moments on the playground (where all the Moms gather with their kids) and left sometimes feeling like I just didn’t quite belong. Usually it stemmed from other women being in conversations, and then me just feeling really stupid because I didn’t know who to talk to, and I certainly wasn’t going to go and interrupt an intense conversation(I’m an introvert). It was amazing for me to realize that other women felt the same way. All it took was me admitting to it, and then they also admitted their insecurities. And, I began to realize that we all cling to the people we know because it makes us feel better. And, then I began realizing that this is what causes women to be “clicky”. And, then, oh no, I realized that I do the same thing that I hate seeing other women do! Oh, crap! Now I have to try to fix it. But, ughhh, I try and I can’t. And, then, duh, I realize that I can’t do it without the Holy Spirit. So, that’s where I am. I am realizing that most of us leave seminary as insecure women and we carry this “clickiness” over to the church because it is more comfortable to live that way. It is my mission while we are here to ask the Lord to help me figure out how to put a stop to this. I don’t want to carry this into our future. And, I’ve met some women who are great at not doing this, so I know it is possible. Can you tell I’m on my soapbox? Perhaps I need to carry this on in a later post! I told Jared that I wish someone had told me that the insecurities I felt in Jr. High would follow me throughout my life.

4. Counseling is a great thing! I was able to take advantage of the free counseling they offer here at Covenant for students/spouses and it was so worth it. I started out going on my own from August until January. Then, Jared and I began going together from January until the end of the semester and we feel like it has helped us focus on our marriage and pinpoint specific areas we need to work on. One of those areas is our spiritual relationship. It is very lacking in that we rarely pray together and we don’t get into the Word together, either. We realize that this is NOT a good thing, so please pray that we will be diligent in pursuing this together.

5. Community among believers has become tainted by our individualistic society. We are all so busy with our own lives that we are not really getting into the lives of our neighbors. Before coming to Covenant, I had all kinds of expectations about the “community” here. But, what I found once we arrived took me by surprise. I soon realized that everyone is so busy that they don’t have time to invite someone for dinner or just drop by to say “hi”. I’m not saying this never happens around here, because it does. I guess it just doesn’t happen as often as I expected. For the first 3 months, I was angry and then I realized that we were doing the same thing. It’s just easier to be an individual family rather than take part in a covenant community. I did, however, have a friend here point out to me that there are “pockets” of community among the larger community, and I do find that to be true. It’s been interesting getting used to this little community and seeing areas that I believe need to change, and then seeing my own contribution to the things I don’t like. Wow, this is some learning experience!

I think there’s a theme here. I see something I don’t like, get angry about it, and then realize that I’m guilty, also. Hmmmm…looks like the Lord is using all of this to humble me. And, boy do I need it!!!!!