That familiar nudge….
I encountered a homeschool mom who was very frazzled the other day. When I say frazzled, it is really an understatement for what I saw and heard. She has 5 kids and her most recent addition to the family is under 4 months old. I’ve seen her in the same setting before, and have never seen her so close to unraveling and completely losing it. It was so bad, that I actually worried about the children and what would happen to them when they got home. At one point, she stood there and cried and said to the oldest, “Why do you do this to me?” I felt so bad for her and offered to let her sons work with us on the project we were doing. But, she was so angry and didn’t want anyone to help him because she felt like he wasn’t doing his part. It was one of those situations that I just felt like I was supposed to do something, but I was afraid. Later, as the group left the room we were in, it felt like a magnet was pulling me back into the room where she and her kids remained. The familiar voice was saying, “Lyra, go talk to her and ask her if she’d like to get together sometime. Maybe then you’ll have the opportunity to help her with her children.” Instead, I stalled and stalled and finally gave in to Gage calling for me to come with the rest of the group. I’ve been beating myself up ever since. I can completely relate to feeling like I’m going to lose it, and I’m sure all of the moms in that room could relate. The interaction going on between this mom and her kids was not hidden in any way. Every mom in that room knew that she was on the brink of really losing it. I don’t think I have ever seen someone act that way in public with her kids. And, that’s what scared me. I kept thinking to myself, “If she’s talking to her kids like this here, what is she going to do when she gets home with them?” What saddens me so deeply is that no one in that room reached out to her. I think we were all scared. I know I was. I was afraid that if I reached out to her she would interpret my actions in the wrong way. I was afraid she would think that I was trying to say she isn’t cutting it as a mom. In reality, I can relate to how she was feeling and wanted to do something to help her bear this burden. But, my fear got in the way and I passed up the opportunity. Now, all I can do is pray for this mom (who’s name I don’t even know) and her kids. The comfort I have found in all of this is knowing that I didn’t mess up this woman’s life by not helping her. God is so much bigger than that, and He will send someone else her way to help. I just wish I had let Him use me, rather than give in to my fear and walk away. It’s all part of the journey. The times that I listen are so rewarding and yet there are always those instances where I resist His nudge and close my ears. My prayer is that those times of closing my ears will lessen and that I will move forward in listening to His voice. In fact, that is my prayer for all of us, because it is in those moments of obedience that He uses us for each other and shows us how to bear one another’s burdens. Praise the Lord that we are not called to walk this journey on our own!
5 comments
Lyra,
Thanks. I appreciated this post today while I pondered just throwing in the towel on fellowshipping here on campus. I think it rarely occurs to us that we could be someone’s “way out” under the pressure of temptation to sin (1 Corinthians 10:13). Believers need each other so badly, more than we would certainly ever admit.
This is great perspective Lyra. You’re right. Isn’t it so comforting that God cares so deeply for each of us? That our care for one another is only a glimpse of how He feels for us. It’s times like these that the Holy Spirit “testifies that we are children” as in Romans.
God allows us to have compassion for one another and to DO something. May we all hear His voice clearly and take loving action towards others.
We all do need each other so badly, but our fear of being hurt or rejected causes such problems, doesn’t it? Jen, I can completely understand your temptation to throw in the towel on trying to make friends on campus. It is sooooo hard. Especially for an introvert. I had such a hard time when we moved and really began pleading with the Lord to bring the friends He had for me into my life. I felt so lonely, especially without a church home. But, over time, things started coming together and it has been amazing to see how He has taken care of us and provided for every need. And, He has used His children to help meet our needs, physically and emotionally.
Lyra,
That is so beautifully written, and has been my hearts cry!!…..That I would not selfishly seek what blesses me most but step back and truly be an instrument of God’s glory and grace, and go where he send me. That even in the midst of having plenty of work, and a big calling in raising my own children I would still be a beacon of light to others. I pray that God will send me in those situations. I also struggle with being timid or shy; or fearful of saying the wrong thing only to disappoint some one’s heart. Or over stepping my boundaries and causing someone to pull away. I can definitely understand where that mother is coming from; as I feel like I am fighting for my first born right now…and it is hard not to be fearful but just trust and be faithful in God’s plan for us as mother’s. Having my children so close together I get concerned that they might not be getting the nurture and care that each one of them needs from me and their Daddy. It is definitely hard to discern knowing your season, and witnessing to your children or helping other’s….Having children at the same time gives you that perspective you can share with others, but obviously you don’t want to be like Eli, and put to much of your service into helping others you miss out doing it at home. Thank you for your post! I will pray that God will make it clear to us as Mother’s where he wants us to serve. Gods Love to you.
Weewa, I am glad you have found comfort in the worry you were expressing the other day when I talked to you. It is so hard to feel that burden of knowing you could have done something, but like you said, it is SO rewarding and COMFORTING to know that God is steps ahead of us. So though he didnt use you directly as a tool for helping this mom, He is still using you, and He will continue to bring the goodness out in her situation. His good can be so difficult to recognize in the times of heartache, but you know He is working to mend her troubles.
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