Posts from — August 2007

As a homeschooler, I get to enjoy having people in public ask me questions like, “So, I guess he hasn’t started school yet?” or “So, is school out today?”  When I respond that we homeschool, I usually get the “Oh, okay”, with a nod and then a really awkward silence, along with a sympathetic look toward my child that seems to say, “I’m so sorry your mom is keeping you at home and not letting you socialize with all the other kids.”  I guess I am exaggerating a little bit.  This doesn’t happen every single time, but it does happen often.  Well, today was just great.  We were at the park around 11:00 and there was a mom there with her two daughters, both under the age of 5.  We started talking and she said, “So, has school not started back for your son?”  I told her that we homeschool and then Gage looked at her and said, “Yeah, this is school for me.”  Oh my gosh!  Talk about having to swallow your pride!  I wanted to rattle off to her all that Gage has already learned in just a week of officially “doing school”.  But, I simply told her that we do school in the afternoons and left it at that.  Ughhhh!  We got into the car soon after that and I tried to explain to Gage that his answer was not the best one to give in such a circumstance.  Oh, well.  Another chance for me to practice not worrying about what others think.  Not always easy!

Well, we’ve started back with school this week, and Jared will attend his first class of the semester tomorrow morning. I’m even taking a class. A study on the book of Hebrews. I’m excited for a few reasons. First of all, our pastor has been preaching through the book of Hebrews. And, secondly, because this class is supposed to teach us how to study the bible. That is key for me. I need it desperately. A friend of mine took a class on the book of John from the same professor, and she felt equipped by the end of the class to lead a study, based on all the tools she learned.

As far as school with Gage goes, I’ve reworked our schedule this semester, and I’m really excited about it. I ACTUALLY PLANNED and came up with a schedule! A few weeks ago, I went to Panera for 4 hours and made up 2 schedules for the school year. One is a family schedule that lists out our daily activities, and the second one is a daily schedule for school. It’s not hour by hour, because I just can’t do that. But, I can look at any given day of the week and know what subjects we need to cover. AMAZING! I have never done this. Can you tell I’m excited!? I’ll post later about what subjects we’re covering and include the books we’re using. But, for now, I’ll just tell you how I’ve reworked our schedule. Instead of starting school in the morning, I am spending time with the boys doing outdoor things/field trips. Then, when Shea goes down for his nap around 1:00, I’m doing school with Gage until around 4:00. In the morning, I’ve been writing on a dry-erase board, the subjects we’re going to cover that day, so Gage is well aware of what he will have to do for the day. On Mondays, Shea will be in MMO, so Gage and I will have the morning to do some things on our own. This is working out so much better for all of us. Keeping Shea inside all morning so that we could do school for Gage was just not cutting it. And, I ended up feeling so secluded from all the other moms who have toddlers. The morning is their prime time to be outside on the playground. So, I’m feeling like this is going to be a better fit for all of us. Today, we went for a bike ride, came home and had lunch, and then Shea went down for his nap and Gage and I did school. And, he’s enjoying school! That’s another big plus! More on that later………

Today, I was in the bathroom putting on my eyeliner and Gage came in to talk to me.  He said, “Mom, why do you put that stuff around your eyes?”  I replied, “Because I’m a woman and women like to look pretty. It makes me feel prettier.”  Then he said, “I don’t see why you need to put that all around your eyes.  It makes you look like a witch or something.”

My heart is aching for someone I love very much. Her dreams came crashing around her today and I just want to fix it. I know the pain of shattered dreams and I know deeply the pain she has already suffered because when her heart hurts, mine hurts with her. Life is so hard. I’ve walked around in a fog all day, not only troubled by her pain, but also by the pain in my own life. I’m overwhelmed and for half of the day just wanted to curl up in a ball and forget that I exist. Jared and I were (and still are) in the midst of an intense disagreement. One of those situations where you both feel you are right and there is not anything else that can be said. I laid on the couch and cried as the lies of the enemy flooded my head. “He doesn’t love you. If he loved you, he wouldn’t let you cry like that.” I fought the thoughts away, because I know they are not true. And, guess what happened next? Jared gladly went to Chick-Fil-A to get dinner so that I wouldn’t have to cook. I am amazed and humbled that this man serves me as he does, even in the midst of conflict. What a gift. Later, while Jared was out helping a friend, I spotted a song I had torn out of our church bulletin on the kitchen counter (”All Creatures of Our God and King”) and I felt the Lord say, “Lyra, just sing praises to me.” So, I sat on my kitchen floor and sang as my boys argued over a blanket in the living room. I just ignored it and sang louder. Wow. It was so good for me. He knew what I needed. Here are the verses that really jumped out at me:

“All ye men of tender heart

Forgiving others take your part

O Sing Ye! Alleluia!

Ye who long pain and sorrow bear

Praise God and on Him cast your care.

Oh praise Him! Oh praise Him!

Alleluia! Alleluia! Alleluia!

“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” Psalm 147:3

I’m too tired to write much now, but I will say that my time with my sis, Emily was all that I had hoped it would be. It was so nice to just be together. I will say that she made me feel old because she still gets checked out by guys everywhere she goes and also gets carded. I especially felt old when we went out for our girl’s night and jammed out in the mini-van with the windows down, riding around downtown St. Louis. Oh, well, that’s what happens when your sister is 6 years younger. One thing I was really excited to find was that she left her green tank top in my dryer. I’ve ALWAYS loved to take her clothes, so, Emily, looks like I got it without even trying! Although, I probably ought to take into account that you have all of those pictures from our girl’s night. Hmmmm…..guess I better put it in the mail to you. Here are some pics to enjoy. I’ll post some more later.

My baby sis, Emily, and my niece, Cayla, are on a plane at this very moment and will arrive here in St. Louis around 10:00!  This is her first visit out here to see us.  Lots of catching up to do and places to go.  I’m sure I’ll have plenty of pictures to post by the end of this week!

Jared checked his campus mailbox tonight and discovered a gift card for the Covenant bookstore in the amount of $250!  We don’t know who gave it, but whoever you are, we thank you so much for your generosity.  This will cover a good portion of his books for this semester.  Amazing!

I received an e-mail from a dear friend about my last post and I really appreciated it.  She spoke of how encouraged she was by the ladies time on Saturday night and urged me to consider going to the ones held in the future.  I don’t know why I get on such rants sometimes about community, but yesterday’s post was one of those rants that I chose not to contain.  I hope I didn’t offend anyone!  I do realize that we all need one another and that I am probably (as my husband so graciously pointed out) contributing to the cycle of seclusion by not participating.  I was told that the women at the gathering were encouraged to stop faking community and really reach out to each other, and that is really good to hear.  Thanks, you know who, for filling me in and pushing me forward!  That’s what community means to me.

With the new semester getting ready to kick off here, there are all kinds of social events to attend. And, I’ve started realizing that I have probably given people the impression that I am a hermit or something. Somehow, I’ve avoided most of the little get-togethers I see advertised on campus. The most recent one was held last night and was for the on-campus women. We really did already have plans to go to a festival in St. Charles, so I could legitimately say that I was unable to attend. But, I’ve realized that every time I see a flyer announcing the next event, I am always relieved if I discover that we already have plans. Good grief! I’ve really started questioning why I’m finding myself so repulsed by social events. So, I’ve mulled and mulled over this for quite some time now. I think I have some answers. Here are some of them:

1. I don’t like “forced community”. That really probably comes across strong. But, I just mean that I don’t like to have get-togethers that are aimed at making us feel like a community. A community to me, means people who knock on each other’s doors and watch each other’s kids, and maybe even eat a meal or two together. I understand that the point of these get-togethers is to give people an opportunity to meet each other, and I totally understand that. I realize that I need to just suck it up and go, because there are new women at these events, feeling the same way I did a year ago.

2. Conversation is usually surfacey. I would prefer meeting someone out on the playground, in a relaxed environment where we can just have some open, honest conversation. I’m not saying you can’t have this sort of conversation at a social event, it just seems much harder when there are a number of people to talk with.

3. I am a one-on-one type person. I become overwhelmed in settings with a lot of people because I’m always concerned that I’m talking too much to one person and leaving someone else out. Because I prefer to have these one-on-one conversations, I often feel like I’m pushing others to the side, when in reality, I’m just trying to show my care and concern for the person I’m speaking with.

I will say that when we first moved on campus a little over a year ago, I made myself go to all of the social events because I was desperate to meet people. I’d look through the campus housing directory and learn the names and faces and within a few weeks, I knew all of the people on campus. It felt good to know who people were. But, then, I really just wanted to form some deeper friendships and that’s when things got hard. I’d go to a social event and introduce myself to a group for the umpteenth time and I started getting tired of it. I think that’s when I began pulling away from the “social scene”. I began pursuing friendships with girls I’d meet on the playground or at a bible study, and things just went from there. But, I need to remind myself that these new women are in the same place I was a year ago. I need to make myself available and show them that they are a welcome addition to our community here at Covenant. Now, I’ve just got to figure out how.

During our journey here at Covenant, our finances have been very strained, but God has been so faithful in providing just what we need at the perfect time.  These past couple of months have been very hard.  In fact, I had to pay our rent in two installments.  The first payment wasn’t made until the 10th, and then a few days later, we were able to pay the rest of it, thanks to a very generous person in our lives.  With all of that said, I would just like to let all of you know that we walked away from church today with enough money to pay 2 months worth of rent, and that is what we intend to do.  We have NEVER been ahead on our rent!  I am astounded, but I am also hearing a voice (hmmm….wonder who?) saying, “Why does this surprise you?  You’ve seen me do this over and over again.” Thank you, Lord!