Forced Community Isn’t For Me.

With the new semester getting ready to kick off here, there are all kinds of social events to attend. And, I’ve started realizing that I have probably given people the impression that I am a hermit or something. Somehow, I’ve avoided most of the little get-togethers I see advertised on campus. The most recent one was held last night and was for the on-campus women. We really did already have plans to go to a festival in St. Charles, so I could legitimately say that I was unable to attend. But, I’ve realized that every time I see a flyer announcing the next event, I am always relieved if I discover that we already have plans. Good grief! I’ve really started questioning why I’m finding myself so repulsed by social events. So, I’ve mulled and mulled over this for quite some time now. I think I have some answers. Here are some of them:

1. I don’t like “forced community”. That really probably comes across strong. But, I just mean that I don’t like to have get-togethers that are aimed at making us feel like a community. A community to me, means people who knock on each other’s doors and watch each other’s kids, and maybe even eat a meal or two together. I understand that the point of these get-togethers is to give people an opportunity to meet each other, and I totally understand that. I realize that I need to just suck it up and go, because there are new women at these events, feeling the same way I did a year ago.

2. Conversation is usually surfacey. I would prefer meeting someone out on the playground, in a relaxed environment where we can just have some open, honest conversation. I’m not saying you can’t have this sort of conversation at a social event, it just seems much harder when there are a number of people to talk with.

3. I am a one-on-one type person. I become overwhelmed in settings with a lot of people because I’m always concerned that I’m talking too much to one person and leaving someone else out. Because I prefer to have these one-on-one conversations, I often feel like I’m pushing others to the side, when in reality, I’m just trying to show my care and concern for the person I’m speaking with.

I will say that when we first moved on campus a little over a year ago, I made myself go to all of the social events because I was desperate to meet people. I’d look through the campus housing directory and learn the names and faces and within a few weeks, I knew all of the people on campus. It felt good to know who people were. But, then, I really just wanted to form some deeper friendships and that’s when things got hard. I’d go to a social event and introduce myself to a group for the umpteenth time and I started getting tired of it. I think that’s when I began pulling away from the “social scene”. I began pursuing friendships with girls I’d meet on the playground or at a bible study, and things just went from there. But, I need to remind myself that these new women are in the same place I was a year ago. I need to make myself available and show them that they are a welcome addition to our community here at Covenant. Now, I’ve just got to figure out how.