FILTH

That’s what came out of my mouth last night as I tried to pick friends up from the airport.  (and, by the way, I was by myself, kids not present!) I am telling you, I am horrified at the filth that rolled off of my tongue.  You see, I am very familiar with STL airport because we frequently pick up our friend Mandy.  There is a 5 minute pick up area, with parallel slots alloted for those doing a quick pick-up.  I waited my turn, passing by a few cars who were already sitting in their spots.  I pulled into a parking space and began scouring the crowd, looking for Matt and Emily.  Within seconds, I heard banging on my driver’s side window, inches from my head.  As I turned around, there was a witch employee waving her hand, telling me I had to move on.  I rolled my window down and said, “Excuse me?”  She continued to motion with her hand, very dramatically, telling me to move on.  I looked behind me and saw that ALL of the cars I had just passed sitting, waiting their 5 minutes, were STILL sitting there.  What the heck?!  So, I responded, “Why don’t I get my 5 minutes?  These other cars are getting their turn. “  She continued to say, very rudely, I might add, “Ma’am go around.  You have to keep moving.”  My voice raised an octave and I said, again, “I don’t understand!  Why don’t I get the same 5 minutes these people behind me are getting?”  At that point, she lifted her walkie-talkie up to her mouth and said, “I need PD down here to 5 minute pick-up.”  What?!  She’s calling the police on me?!  By that point, I was boiling point mad.  I continued to sit there, looking over my shoulder through the rear windows of my van to see if I could spot Matt and Emily.  Still, no sign of them.  The witch then informed me (as if I didn’t hear her call them) that the Police were on their way.  I’m telling you, the hatred welling up inside of me toward this woman was so intense I could have spit in her face.  I managed to tame my words and spit out, very hatefully, “You people are jerks!”, as I rolled my window up and proceeded on to circle around.

I picked up the cell phone and called Jared, asking him to check on the flight status.  By this time, 30 minutes had passed since they had landed and I figured they were waiting for me somewhere other than 5 minute pick-up.  Now, I say that I asked Jared to check their flight status, but that was only after I informed him of the witch I had just dealt with.  And, my informing was more like yelling and cussing every other word.  I think I can safely say that Jared has never heard such filth come out of my mouth.  Yes, he’s heard filth come out of this mouth, but it is highly unlikely he has ever heard that much filth at once from me.  I think I should have been a hard-core marine or something.

Am I proud of the way I acted?  No way.  I’m actually pretty horrified.  It scares me that I can actually feel hatred like I felt last night toward anyone.  But, it’s also a really great reminder for me.  I am reminded of the fact that I really do need a Savior and that I’d be a wreck without Him.  I am so thankful that I don’t have to curl up in a ball and beat myself up over this.  It’s not about trying to fix it and make myself do better.  Do I repent?  Of course.  But, I can know that this has already been taken care of.  It happened on the cross and it’s not about what I do, it’s about what is already done for me.

Through the absolute filth that came out of my mouth (and heart, I might add) last night, I am reminded that I have a Savior who paid my penalty.  I am looking forward to the day when I can meet Him face to face and somehow express my gratitude.