Note to Self-Concerning Bathing Suit Shopping

Lyra,

The next time you find yourself in need of a bathing suit, please just remember these tips and you’ll be so much happier.

1.  DO NOT go to the mall.  You’ll feel much more comfortable at Goodwill (well maybe not for a bathing suit…that’s just nasty), TJ Maxx, or Marshall’s.  And, you’ll avoid those annoying kiosk people who think they can convince you to put on some hand cream.

2.  DO NOT even consider trying on a tankini top that looks shorter than a shirt you would buy.  You wear those spaghetti strap tank tops under your shirt for a reason- to keep your stomach from hanging out.

3.  Don’t be surprised when you find yourself looking at swimdresses like your mom used to wear.  You didn’t give in this year, but don’t be surprised if you do next year.  It’s only a matter of time.

4.  For the love of God, don’t gain back the weight you just lost!  Remember what hell you went through looking at yourself in those bathing suits that you thought were so cute on the hanger.

5.  Under belly-button swim bottoms……………..just don’t even try them on.  It will save you from lots of agony.