My Postpartum Psychosis Story…..

I’ve wanted to write for quite a while about a segment of my life that is much easier to just forget. But, I know that what I went through can be used to give others hope, and I’ve wanted to use my blog as a venue for that, but never have.

Now that I am pregnant again, and thinking once again about the precautions we will need to take, I figured I’d go ahead and begin the story. I will, in no way, be able to do it all in one post. But, I figured I’d just start and see where it takes us.

Let me begin by saying, there are things I will tell you that you will have a hard time believing. When I tell people the story, I feel like I am one of those weirdos that needs to make up the craziest lie she can think of just so she can get attention. Well, I’m sorry to say that all of what you will hear is true. It was an absolute nightmare, and by far the absolute scariest time of my life. One of my biggest fears now is losing the ability to control my mind. It is the worst thing I have ever experienced.

I guess the first thing I need to do is explain the difference between postpartum psychosis and postpartum depression. Psychosis is much different than depression because it begins with a split from reality. A person is no longer able to distinguish their delusions from reality.

One of the hardest things for me to deal with after I recovered was the flippant, ignorant responses I would get when I told people I had been through postpartum psychosis. I found that the instant I mentioned postpartum, they didn’t even hear the word psychosis. The response usually was something along the lines of, “Yeah, my sister was really depressed after her baby was born”, or “I know a lot of women who have been through that. It’s pretty common.” Um, no. Actually, postpartum psychosis is pretty rare. 1/10 out of 1% of mothers experience the nightmare. (those were the statistics back in ‘99)

Because of those responses, I began keeping pretty quiet about it. I did join a support group in hopes of encouraging women going through the same thing, and I’m glad that I was able to do that for a time. But, in general, I kept my mouth shut, unless I happened to meet someone who needed help.

So, I’m writing here now, in hopes that some moms (and fathers) will find encouragment from my story. There is life after the worst kind of postpartum issues. If my life turned around, yours or your loved ones can, too. Once you read the story, you’ll understand why I am able to confidently say such a thing. Stay tuned………..

Click below to read:

Parts 2, 3, 4, 5, and 6.