Posts from — April 2009

I’ve been to the Botanical Gardens, here in St. Louis two Wednesdays in a row.  This spring weather feels so good to me and seeing all of the flowers in bloom is so good for my soul.  My feet are complaining a little these days (tomorrow I’ll be 35 weeks along!), but I’m so glad to be able to walk without my back hurting, that I’m willing to endure the feet aching.  By the way, there is a reason my back is so much better these days.  I found a great massage therapist, and I’m wishing I had found her so much sooner.  If you need one, let me know, and I’ll pass her name on to you!  Now, on to the pictures…………

Watching the Gardener

I woke up this morning and realized that I had completely forgotten to make resurrection cookies with the boys last night.  We won’t be able to do it tonight, either, because we will be hanging out at a friend’s house.  That’s okay, though.  We’ll just make them 2 days late.  It doesn’t change the fact that our Redeemer is alive and we have much to celebrate.

The kids and I have really enjoyed making these for the past 2 years and I thought I’d share the idea with all of you.  It’s so great for kids who are tactile learners because they are able to taste salt, which represents the tears of Jesus, smell or (if they’re brave enough) taste vinegar, which reminds us of the vinegar they gave Jesus as He hung on the cross, and taste the sugar, which represents the sweetness of Jesus’ love for us.  I seriously think I enjoy this activity just as much as the kids do.  Follow this link, and try it with your family.  Who cares if it’s a couple of days late!

I’ve decided this will be the wrap-up post for my series on postpartum psychosis.  If you’re just joining in, please read parts 1, 2, 3, 4, and 5.   The following are “red flags” I sent up the couple of weeks preceding my hospitalization.

1.  Sleeplessness.  I’m not talking about being woken up by the baby throughout the night.  I’m talking about consciously choosing to NOT sleep and choosing to do something else, rather than sleep.  I would feed my baby in the middle of the night, and instead of going to sleep like most moms would do, I chose to spend the next 2 hours journaling or praying.  I had no desire to sleep whatsoever.

2.  Out of character behavior.  I smoked a cigarette and then went inside to brag about it to my family.  Very strange, considering I had never been a smoker, and absolutely did not like cigarettes.

3.  An elevated sex drive.  Any woman who pursues sex within the first 2 weeks of delivering a baby, is more than likely having issues.  This is just not normal.

4.  Super-spiritual.  Most moms are doing good if they are able to feed their baby, sleep, and take a shower.  I was praying non-stop, singing praise songs, and journaling about my spiritual journey.

5.  Excessive talking.  I couldn’t keep my mouth shut.  My mind was racing 100 miles per hour and I talked at about the same rate.

6.  An inflated sense of self.  An over abundance of confidence.  I felt like a diva mom and even referred to myself in that way.  I had just delivered a baby and was wearing clothes that were way too revealing for my post-delivery body.  I thought I looked great, and had never looked better.

Here are some resources for those of you looking for more information:

UNC-Chapel Hill is doing an amazing job at researching and helping women suffering from postpartum mood disorders.  I would advise any woman experiencing major symptoms to seek out help from these doctors.

Postpartum Support International: Search for support in your area via this website.

Thank you, all, for sticking with me through this journey.  I have received great encouragement from many of you and am so thankful I’ve had the opportunity to share my story.  I hope that my story will be a source of hope for those of you who can’t see the light right now.  It is there, and you will move past this darkness.

Once again, if any of you have questions, I would be more than happy to answer them to the best of my ability.  You can either leave me a comment, or reach me via email at lyrahlee (at) yahoo (dot) com.

I cannot even tell you guys how much I have anticipated and yearned for spring this year. I pretty much missed the beautiful fall weather around here due to first trimester pregnancy stuff, and then the cold, dreary winter set in. I feel like I’ve been cooped up way too long, and so I’ve really been savoring the new blooms this year. I actually feel well enough to get outside and enjoy it right now, and I have a new camera to keep me busy! This is what I’ve been waiting for………………

Couldn’t resist posting a pic of this guy we saw at the zoo!

Check out that slobber.  And, those whiskers.

I love, love, love Forest Park.

I know I keep saying this with every post, but if you’re just joining in on this “series” on postpartum psychosis, go back and read parts 1, 2, 3, and 4.

As I mentioned in the last post, I met with my psychiatrist in Chapel Hill a few months before my second child was born, and we came up with a prevention plan that turned out to be successful.  The plan was really pretty simple.

1.  I started taking Clonazepam at night before bed while I was still in the hospital.  Clonazepam is an anti-anxiety medication and he suggested I take it at night so that the drug would peak in my system during sleep, rather than during the day when I would be breastfeeding.  This medication aided me in being able to sleep through the night and helped reduce my anxiety about getting sleep.  I was advised to take it for 3 weeks, and then discontinue use.

2.  SLEEP, SLEEP,  SLEEP.  This was the most important thing in preventing a recurrence.  My husband, Jared, committed to getting up with the baby at night for the first 3 weeks (and more, if needed).  Jared and baby slept in a separate part of the house so that I wouldn’t be disturbed.  The baby was fed formula for his nighttime feedings and I went to bed around 11.  I slept through the night and fed the baby his first morning feeding (around 6 or 7).

3.  Rest and take it slow.  I didn’t let myself stress over house stuff. And, if I had tried, my husband would have stopped me!   My responsibility was to take care of my baby, and that was it.  Of course, there were times I really felt up to doing some things around the house, and so I did.  But, I didn’t push myself.  I slowed down and only did the things that I felt I had the energy to do.

I am so incredibly thankful that I was able to have a normal postpartum experience after the birth of our second child.  I wanted so badly to be able to nurse and it worked out.  I realized just how much I had missed the first time, as I enjoyed every second with my baby.  Of course, along with the joy I felt in having a normal experience, I also dealt with grief over all I missed with my first child.  I am still saddened by that loss, but am so thankful that I’ve had a second chance to experience the beauty of motherhood as it should be. I’m thrilled that I will have this opportunity once again with baby #3!

Next post:  Warning signs of postpartum psychosis.  I’ll be back!

Oh, and by the way……………

If any of you want to ask questions in the comments below, I would love to try and answer them!