Guilt

I know….. a strange blog title for my birthday……but, I’ll explain.

This  morning, I slept until 9 or so thanks to my super awesome husband, who took over my usual morning “duties”. Today is my birthday, and something in me just said, “Slow down. Enjoy your day.”

I came downstairs and drank coffee from my favorite new cup. After breakfast, I began sweeping up the floor and unloaded the dishwasher. It felt good to take my time and not worry about what I was “supposed” to be doing.  I went and sat in my favorite chair and decided to take the time to read in my bible while I drank my second cup of coffee. I’ve been following the “Shirkers and Slackers” bible reading program, and have slacked for quite a few days. I follow this plan for a reason. In part of the reading from Joshua, I read these words. “Not one word of all the good promises that the Lord had made to the house of Israel had failed; all came to pass.”

I moved on from my favorite chair and decided I wanted to clean the downstairs half bath. I know, clean toilets on my birthday? As I was cleaning the toilet, I began realizing that I normally feel guilty when I am taking the time to clean.  Cleaning means that I am not spending time with my kids. They are entertaining themselves, and for Bryn, that ALWAYS means getting into something.  But, when I don’t stay on top of cleaning and laundry (which is very often), I feel guilty that I’m not doing more. It’s one of those “damned if you do, damned if you don’t” deals.

After cleaning the bathroom, I moved up to the laundry room, and began folding the clothes that had been sitting for quite awhile. The kids played in Bryn’s room and were happy. As I folded the clothes, I continued to think about all of the things I regularly feel guilty about. It’s like light was being shed on a part of me that I had never seen before. After all, I am married to a man who’s motto is, “Don’t do anything out of guilt.” And, I too, hold to that motto. Or, at least I thought I did.

I began thinking about the couple of days before, when I had gone out by myself to shop for a dress to wear to a wedding. It was Jared’s day off and I was leaving him alone with the kids. I felt guilty.

In a few days, our church will be raising funds for those who are suffering from true hunger in the horn of Africa. As I folded laundry, thinking about this ridiculous amount of guilt I’ve been unknowingly carrying around, I began wondering what kind of unnecessary guilt Moms carry around in the starving nations of Africa. Do they feel guilt over the fact that their child is starving? Do they feel as if they should be doing more?

So, why do I write this? I write about this because I know that this guilt is a lie from the pit of hell. I am throwing it out into the light, thankful that Jesus shines light in the dark corners of my heart that I don’t even know exist. He is constantly weeding out that which is not true.

I stopped for a while today and did what I needed to do, guilt free. I even stopped and took a picture of my completely naked 2 year old “helping” Mommy unload the dishwasher. (Yes, it is hard to keep her clothed). And, I would post a picture, but I’d probably feel  a little guilty if I did.

This song came to mind as I pondered the whole “guilt” thing today.

No guilt in life.

No fear in death.

This is the power of Christ in me.

From life’s first cry to final breath,

Jesus commands my destiny.

No power of hell,

no scheme of man,

can ever pluck me from His hand.

‘Till He returns or calls me home,

here in the power of Christ I’ll stand.”

(“In Christ Alone”)